I've always wondered why we feel the need to make such a big deal about it when someone dies.  They don't care anymore, they don't feel proud or happy that we put flowers out, that we have an extravagant horse and carriage and they don't care who turns up and whether they are fed or not.

All of these things are to make ourselves feel better somehow but I don't understand how it does.  I'm odd with death, I go kinda empty and just don't really react.  I still haven't cried for my best friend who died a few years ago.  I do feel guilty for not feeling and doing these things but only because they are things that everyone else says I should be doing or have done and it's like I'm a bad person for not doing.

We care now whether people will like us enough to show up at our funeral but once we are dead it doesn't matter at all.  Set me on fire and kick me to the kerb for all I care.  I'm surprised no one actually has done while I'm still alive (though I was set on fire once, wrapped up like a mummy and lit - though I don't think he expected toilet roll to go up as quickly as it did - moron).

Oh and apparently the elastic band trick, to help with intrusive thoughts and various problems, it doesn't work.  You bruise and cut your wrist a hell of a lot and it swells up.  You still have to leave the area before you kill someone.  I also discovered just how badly I rely on and need my mp3 player in order to not do anything stupid.