These will often give a better indication of my current state than anything else will.  Plus I can't resist the urge to often 'bold', 'highlight' or otherwise bring to attention the important lines to me in the song. Music is my expression, it's the only way I have ever felt any identification fully with another person, just sad that I am unlikely to ever meet them. That knowledge hurts me a lot more deeply than most can understand. 

I will now also be putting an mp3 up of at least the two latest song lyrics, they will be directly under the end of this sentence :)

VNV Nation - Holding On

October 28, 2011
This song and the instrumental I shall post above this in the playable songs are the ones played at his funeral. Beautiful songs.

I thought the future held
a perfect place for us
That together we would learn to be
the best that we could be
In my naivety I ran
I fell and lost my way
Somehow I always end up falling over me

And one day
I woke to find
The future had no place
for me
I was unwanted in a world
that with my hands I helped build
Where once was honesty and pride
I now stand broken and alone
Just a shadow
of what I was meant to be

They say that "Time will heal"
"The truth shall set us free"
Well that depends
on what it is
that you choose to believe
In this prison made of lies
We see what it is we want to see
And find comfort in this
broken hall of dreams

Does anybody feel
the way I do?
Is there anybody out there?
Are you hearing me?

I believe in you
Will you believe in me?
Or am I alone
in this hall of dreams?

I believe in you
You believe in me
But I have no trust
in anything
Somehow I'm always
always falling over me

Somehow I'm always
I'm always falling over me
 

Numb - Alice In Videoland

September 17, 2011
I'm numb
I can't feel my arms
I can't feel my legs
I can't feel my body
I can't feel my head

I can't come around
Don't know what to feel
I'm nailed to the ground
I'm too wounded to heal

I can't feel my arms
I can't feel my legs
I can't feel my body
I can't feel my head

I can't come around
Don't know what to feel
I'm nailed to the ground
I'm too wounded to heal

I've got blood on my hands
A hole in my heart
I'm afraid of my thoughts and
I'm falling apart
I'm surrounded by fear
I'm stuck in despair
And if I make it from here I'll be good, I swear

I'm dreaming away
I'm making excuses
Somebody say I'm not totally useless
Give me a reason, give me a sign
Something to stop me from losing my mind

I'm blind
I can't see a thing
I can't hear a word
I can't even bring myself to be heard

I wanna get out
I'm locked up for good
If I speak, if I shout
I'll be misunderstood

I can't feel my arms
I can't feel my legs
I can't feel my body
I can't feel my head

I can't come around
Don't know what to feel
I'm nailed to the ground
I'm too wounded to heal

I've got blood on my hands
A hole in my heart
I'm afraid of my thoughts and
I'm falling apart
I'm surrounded by fear
I'm stuck in despair
And if I make it from here I'll be good, I swear

I'm dreaming away
I'm making excuses
Somebody say I'm not totally useless
Give me a reason, give me a sign
Something to stop me from losing my mind

I've got blood on my hands
A hole in my heart
I'm afraid of my thoughts and
I'm falling apart
I'm surrounded by fear
I'm stuck in despair
And if I make it from here I'll be good, I swear

I'm dreaming away
I'm making excuses
Somebody say I'm not totally useless
Give me a reason, give me a sign
Something to stop me from losing my mind
 

Giving In - Adema

May 23, 2011
Will you, walk me
To the edge again

Shaking, lonely, and I am drinking again
Woke up tonight and no one's here with me
I'm giving in to you

Take me under

I'm giving in to you
I'm dying
tonight
I'm giving in to you
Watch me crumble
I'm giving in to you
I'm crying tonight
I'm giving in to you

Caught up, in life
Losing all my friends

Family has tried, to heal all my addictions
Tragic it seems, to be alone again
I'm giving in ... to you

Take me under
I'm giving in to you
I'm dying tonight
I'm giving in to you
Watch me crumble
I'm giving in to you
I'm crying tonight
I'm giving in to you


I look forward, to dying tonight
Drink 'til i'm myself, life's harder every day
The stress has got me
I'm giving in
giving in,
Giving in, no!


Take me under
(I'm killing all the pain)
I'm dying tonight
(I'm sick of all this faith)
Watch me crumble
(I'm killing all the pain)
I'm crying tonight


I'm giving in to you
Take me under
I'm giving in to you
I'm dying tonight
I'm giving in to you
Watch me, crumble
I'm giving in to you
I'm crying tonight
I'm giving in to you
 

Darkness In My Eyes - Alaska Highway

May 12, 2011
People never see the other side of darkness
There's no fear
The faces of those who have hurt you cannot even be seen
But you will never forget the one you meet in the dark

Within this place I've sensed no evil
Only the absence of hurt that I had felt
Death holds my heart and keeps me imprisoned
To shield me from another fall
Without caution, I move towards nothing
And you have seen me somehow
The imperfection in your mirrored reflection of a beauty that died
Inside of me

Darkness comforts me in this moment
Slipping into comas of complication
I want to embrace you, hold you
The mind is plagued with the morbid hesitation
Just tell me you are suffering and I will give you everything
Though I have nothing
But the darkness in your eyes

You found me in this
I found you a rose....of death
Do I want you, could you want me
Accept my bouquet of decay
Am I an image that comforts your fantasy
Or will this surface turn my dark reality?
Are you the one am I the one?
The wraiths have loved me
TAnd the sun will kill us
And the sun may kill us

Darkness comforts me in this moment
Slipping into comas of complication
I want to embrace you, hold you
The mind is plagued with the morbid hesitation
Just tell me you are suffering and I will give you everything
Though I have nothing
But the darkness in my eyes
The darkness in your eyes

Follow the roses down into the depths
And you'll see what has brought you here
The wounds of the heart
The depletion of faith and the darkness inside your eyes
Darkness inside my eyes
Darkness inside your eyes
Inside my eyes
 

Speedball OD - Velvet Acid Christ

May 9, 2011
listen to reason
in the back room where i started
from the beginning to the end
what do you want? do you pretend?
right through the fucking mirror
right through the fucking wall
right through the fucking mirror
right through the fucking wall
look into my eyes, i hope you die
crushed into a million pieces
chop you up, and put you in the garbage disposal
and rip your head off
and crush your neck with a fucking ten-inch knife
punch a fucking bullet right through your brain

right into the part of insanity, insanity
right down in the middle of your forehead
with a razor blade on your cheek
to make you pretty, make you bleed

right through the beginning, through the mirror
riding it backwards in the back room
don't you understand?
i'll chop you up into a million pieces
i hope you fucking die
i hope you fucking die
well i hope you fucking die
well i hope you fucking die

right through passivist, passivist
right through the passivist
through history into your brain, we walk backwards
understand religion is the only card you play in your hands
i'll pull a knife, i'll cut your neck
i'll chop your head off, i'll break your legs
i'll chop your legs off and put you in the freezer
watch you freeze, freeze, freeze
fucking die, fucking die
fucking die, fucking die

watch your room, through your head in the room
where you are bleeding, from a circle
i'll clean up your body parts with a fucking vacuum cleaner

 

Scream with me - Mudvayne

May 6, 2011
Ever feel like dying,
Ever feel alone,
Ever feel like crying,
Lost child in a store,
Ever feel life pushing,
Shoving you away,
Ever feel like breaking down,
Funeral in the rain

Feel like slipping away,
Stand in the corner and scream with me,
A body full of empty,
A head that's full of rage,
Better believe it,
Stand in the closet and scream with me
A mind that's like a fire,
Driven by the pain,
Better believe it

Ever feel like lying,
Down inside a grave,
Listen to the eulogy,
A buyer of the hate,
Ever dance beside the devil,
Taste the barrel of a gauge,
Ever pull the trigger,
The light begins to fade,

Feel like slipping away
Stand in the corner and scream with me,
A body full of empty,
A head that’s full of rage,
Better believe it,
Stand in the closet and scream with me
A mind that’s like a fire,
Driven by the pain,
Better believe it

I've asked you for forgiveness,
I've asked you for your grace,
I've asked you for your blessing,
I've asked that I be saved,

Stand in the corner and scream with me,
A body full of empty,
A head that’s full of rage,
Better believe it,

Stand in the corner and scream with me,
A body full of empty,
A head that’s full of rage,
Better believe it,
Stand in the closet and scream with me
A mind that’s like a fire,
Driven by the pain,
Better believe it

Stand in the corner and scream with me,
A body full of empty,
A head that’s full of rage,
Better believe it
Driven by the pain,
Better believe it
 

Blut Royale - Combichrist

April 29, 2011
Come hear the voices in my head
They say you wanna hurt me
and they want you dead
It's scraping the bottom of the barrel of life
There's a million different voices
And there all synchronized
Into one real army that will kill you all
Injecting my brain with adrenaline
They're marching They're squirming
They wanna get out
There armed to the teeth
It's the Blut Royale

Come to me


Come hear the voices in my head

They say you wanna hurt me
and they want you dead
Come hear the voices in my head
they want you dead
It's the Blut Royale (4x)
It's the Blut Royale
It's the Blut Royale
It's the Blut Royale

Come hear the voices in my head

Come hear the voices in my head
Come hear the voices in my head

Come hear the voices in my head

They say you wanna hurt me
and they want you dead
Come hear the voices in my head
they want you dead
It's the Blut Royale (4x)
 

Sleep Now - Angelspit

April 26, 2011
I was not born, I was hatched
From lava, to pupa, tank, to coffin
Tearing affection I showed with my teeth
Crawled from the egg to feed of mothers frustration
Hell was made flesh and bred with goats

Allegiance spawned to replace us in face and name
The kingdom of apathy ruled by cattle
Fuck, scathe, destroy, burn
What foul majik is this? Hideous and Perfect

Drowned out by children singing
We are all the same, the monster in human
Is inhumane


If I gave you a pound of my sacred flesh
Would your sew closed that fucking mouth?
Always messing inside my head
All that troublesome talk just turns to wrath

If I drew a picture of what makes me violent

I'd give a shining blade as your answer
See your angelic reflection while craving
Trenches into your face


They put poison in my tank, lucid poltergeist
In the form of a child
We are all the same, the monster in human
Is inhumane


Passing my fingers past your tonsils
To retrieve your shining soul
Let the rot-red angst drip from my nails
Kiss past my teeth to your pure opal

Vile airborne demon in my breath
Past the age when you don't care anymore
Wounded by the pen, conquered by a sales pitch
Her black cherry just turned sour

Cogsmen and sweaters all-reel in terror
Screaming convulsing so deranged
We are all the same, the monster in human, inhumane

Sleep now hush...
 

Dizzy - Orgy

April 14, 2011
You're just another pretty face
In a room full of whores
No you don't mean much
Used to be so naive
Catatonic now you seem to be
So much better than before

Dumb dumb dizzy dizzy
Dumb dumb dizzy dizzy
Dumb dumb dizzy dizzy
Dumb dumb dizzy dizzy
Dumb dumb dizzy dizzy
Dumb dumb dizzy dizzy
Dumb dumb
Dumb dumb dizzy dizzy
Dumb dumb dizzy dizzy
Dumb dumb dizzy dizzy
Dumb dumb dizzy dizzy
Dumb dumb dizzy dizzy
Dumb dumb dizzy dizzy
Dumb dumb

Now you've made a mess of yourself
You've made a mess of everything
You're a mess a fucking mess
Now you've made a mess of yourself
You've made a mess of everything
You're a mess a fucking mess
Now you've made a mess of yourself
You've made a mess of everything
You're a mess a fucking mess
Now you've made a mess of yourself
You've made a mess of everything
You're a mess a fucking mess

Dumb dumb dizzy dizzy
Dumb dumb dizzy dizzy
Dumb dumb dizzy dizzy
Dumb dumb dizzy dizzy
Dumb dumb dizzy dizzy
Dumb dumb dizzy dizzy
Dumb dumb

Now you've made a mess of yourself
You've made a mess of everything
You're a mess a fucking mess
Now you've made a mess of yourself
You've made a mess of everything
You're a mess a fucking mess
Now you've made a mess of yourself
You've made a mess of everything
You're a mess a fucking mess
Now you've made a mess of yourself
You've made a mess of everything
You're a mess a fucking mess

You're just another pretty face
In a room full of whores
No you don't mean much
Used to be so naive
Catatonic now you seem to be
So much better than before

Now you've made a mess of yourself
You've made a mess of everything
You're a mess a fucking mess
Now you've made a mess of yourself
You've made a mess of everything
You're a mess a fucking mess.
 

Ready To Blow - KMFDM

April 12, 2011
I can hardly breathe
Lost and hopeless
Down so low
Something died inside
I just can't believe it
Violent tendencies
Murder, madness
Good gone bad
Try to talk about it
Nobody believes me

Static in my head
Lines blur red
Got my mind made up
And my trigger finger ready to blow
Finger on the trigger I'm a barrel of a gun
Ready to blow

Life draws out of me
Spent and broken
All mixed up
Crying out in vain
Somebody release me
Evil speaks to me
Caustic rage I've no control
A living hell of hate
Sinister deceiving

Out of my mind in this fucked up head
I want everything that I never had
A little something a reason why
Ready to blow I'm ready to die
Depart this world on a silver bullet
I never believed I would ever pull it
Now's the time, here's my show
Ready to go I'm ready to blow

Time stands still for me
Black and blistered
Drown my sleep
Let thy will be done
Make it out quick and easy
 

Liebestod.mp3

Holding On.mp3

Numb.mp3

Giving In.mp3

Darkness In My Eyes.mp3

06 Speedball O.D..mp3

03-Scream With Me.mp3

This section


This will be anything that has really reached me, either that I can relate to it or that it brings me up when nothing else can. Listening to music is often the only thing that makes me feel not alone.
Make a Free Website with Yola.